What Would Wayne Eat?

  • Vegetables and Fruit
    • Sweet potatoes
    • Carrots (not soft)
    • Parsnip (not soft, go figure)
    • Turnip (in soup, preferably home-made)
    • Corn (if hot, or popcorn)
    • Onions (if battered and deep-fried in circular rings)
    • Chick peas (but not hummus, of course ... that would be silly)
    • Grapes (if not shrivelled into raisins)
    • Clementines
      • Provided that the underside of the peel, upon removal, is orange
      • However, there can be exceptions
    • Apples (not cooked)
      • Moist, not dry
      • Like SweeTango apples
      • Not like "boat" (as in sea trial) apples
    • Plums
      • The California fresh plums that you can find at Costco
      • They even look like apples
    • Pineapple (must be Sugarloaf pineapple)
    • Maraschino cherries
    • Dried mango (contains only slightly more mango than sugar)
  • Grain Products
  • Meat and Alternatives
    • Bacon (but rarely has it ... because the woman doesn't like it)
    • Steak and ground beef
    • Pork
    • Schnitzel (uncertain whether the type of meat is important)
    • Chicken (particularly wings)
    • Turkey (particularly wings)
    • Duck (must be wings)
    • Ribs
    • Ham (black forest, such as Piller's®)
    • White pudding
    • Cod (battered and deep-fried)
    • Almonds (covered in chocolate)
  • Condiments
  • Milk and Alternatives
    • Old cheddar cheese (Cracker Barrel or Black Diamond®, must be cold)
    • Mozzarella cheese (ironically, must be warm and melted)
    • Ice cream (without any berries or fruit, and cannot be too creamy)
  • Heterogeneous Foods
    • French toast
    • Pancakes (with chocolate chips)
    • Pizza (without vegetables or fruit)
    • Garlic fingers (pizza's second cousin)
    • Quesadillas (only meat and cheese, naturally)
    • Subway subs
    • Egg rolls (even if it has vegetables hidden inside)
  • Beverages
    • Orange juice (if found in the refrigerated section)
    • Apple juice (not the natural stuff - it gotta be clear - nor Minute Maid®)
    • Lemonade
    • Soft drink (not diet)
    • Beer (also must be full-caloried, something like Steamwhistle Pilsner Beer)
    • Cherry brandy and ginger ale
  • Energy Sources
    • Cheezies, potato chips, and pretzels
      • Absolutely loves them, but does not eat them, purely out of self-restraint
    • Chocolate (the milkier the better)
    • York Peppermint Patties
      • Ironically, they contain dark chocolate
      • A knock-off brand is acceptable if the peppermint is not too creamy
    • Cookies and cakes
    • Candy
    • Scrunchions
    • Peanut brittle, without the peanuts (a.k.a. sponge toffee)
  • Categorically Challenged
  • Not much green except…
    • Green Jell-O®
    • Lime soft drink
    • Green M&M's® (with chocolate inside)
    • Green apples
    • Savoury (loves it)
    • The green flicks in the Subway Italian Herbs & Cheese bread (see above)
Last modified: 2019-02-24. Recent changes shown in blue.
Some food categories courtesy of the (now deprecated) Canada's Food Guide. Other food categories made up on the spot.